Evolution Deniers and Litmi Tests

I saw chart on Little Green Footballs this morning that I found both amazing and unsettling. It was a survey of people in 34 countries and it asked how strongly they believed in the theory of evolution. Guess what? The only country whose population is dumber than the United States is Turkey. Yep, the U.S. finished 33rd out of 34 in terms of how strongly its population believed in Chuck Darwin’s crazy idea. The raw numbers are as follow …..just over 40 percent of Americans believe in evolution while another 20 percent aren’t so sure. That leaves forty fucking percent of this country believing that evolution is a crock of shit. For comparison sake, 90 percent of Icelanders think our great ancestors were swinging from trees. So I ask …..what is in the water that makes this country so fucking stupid? And when did “dipshit” become so fashionable?

I mention this study because I am fascinated by the evolution-denial industry. Moreover, I mention it because I use “evolution” as a litmus test to judge and guide my relations. If you believe in evolution ….you pass. If not, you get thrown in that bin with those who can’t be taken seriously on matters related to ……well, almost anything. Other litmi tests I have ……if you think SouthPark is funny, you don’t know funny. And if you like Wilco or Phish ……..well, I am not sure we have much to discuss when it comes to music. All this leads me to the following question ……Molly, what are those three or four (or five things) that you use as a litmus test to gauge someone’s thoughtfullness on a given subject.

Molly: Hey, I like Wilco! 
True story: I was once emailing back and forth with a guy I had bumped into on the internet and before we met in person (he was a friend of a friend of a friend) we did the obligatory back-and-forth email thing and bantered a little and at some poing in our exchange the question of dealbreakers came up and I mentioned that I'd have a hard time taking anyone who listed Ayn Rand and/or John Grisham as their favorite authors. A week or so later I ended up at his apartment and there on display was his collection of John Grisham books, alongside his collection of Yankee memorabilia and digital photo frame (a friend of mine had a mantra: Never go home with a man who has a digital photo frame.) I like to think I've matured beyond using something as superficial as 'what books are on display' as a litmus test but the truth is, I am sort of judgy about that. And home decor. Which is not the same as a litmus test, and is irrelevent in the face of true chemistry and compatibility (whether as friends or romantic partners), but I can't help it. I judge books.  (I've read all of John Grishams' books, by the way.  And I own all the Harry Potter books.  I never said I was being fair!)

That said, Ayn Rand devotees do not pass my litmus test.

Someone who DVRs Two and a Half Men might not share my sense of humor.

Prissiness is not something I do well around (although I can be prissy at certain times) so anyone who blanches at foul language will probably not pass the test.  Or someone who wears Lilly Pulitzer.

I'm not sure if this is a litmus test item or just a peeve of mine, but as soon as someone I meet starts either denouncing outer boroughs or referring to Manhattan as if it is the only part of New York City, they are dead to me.

"My dream vacation would be to an all-inclusive resort."

Don:  No digital frames for me but I liked Pelican Brief and don't you DVR "How I Met Your Mother?"  I think you may have slightly enlarged the topic (at least in my eyes) to perhaps capture some pet peeves but I'll give you a a few more that qualify as "tests" for me:
 
If you don't believe in physician assisted suicide, you don't have my vote and you should get the hell out of my living room.
 
If the first thing you say to a bartender is ...."what are your specials?" ...... we should part ways. 

There are plenty of celebs that I dislike wtih a passion but most -Colbert, Chevy, Dick Vitale, Brent Musberger, Brett Favre, Joba Chamberlin - are simply just objectionable. So if someone prays at their alter, it doesn't quite rise to a "failed test." However, the following quotes result in failing grades:

".....Oh, I love Michelle Malkin, she is so clever and does such a great job describing the big picture ..."

".......no funny women?  Have you SEEN Amy Sederis ......"

" .......nobody does physical like Robin Williams ........."
 
Other tests ....how one comes down on dogs and the Wire/Soprano debate.

Molly:  Yes, I DVR How I Met Your Mother.  You call into regional sports' radio talk shows; no one is perfect!  The evolution statistic surprises me as I'm not sure I know anyone who outright denies evolution, but I do know people who are quite religious (is that even possible?  Can you be a little religious or is that like being a little pregnant?) and some who are very vocal in their devotion and it's been a bit of an eye-opener to me and while I'm not going to propose we have theological debates any time soon, I don't have a problem with other people's religious beliefs, so long as they are not the Shouty Bride of Jesus types.  But if someone I met honestly told me they did not believe in evolution (science!), then I'd have a hard time talking about much else.  Faith is not a dealbreaker; turning a blind eye to empirical data is.

Social intolerance is probably one of the biggest sins someone can commit, in my mind; bigotry, racism and homophobia are pretty hard for me to overlook.  That might sound a little too much like a pageant answer but at the first signs of, 'homosexuality is wrong," I'm heading out the door.

I hate stand-up comedy and anyone who tells me he or she enjoys going to comedy clubs will never, ever, EVER be going with me. 

If my above examples were either too picky or not clear enough, maybe these help:
"Dogs? Ick."
"Gays? Ick."
"Brooklyn? Ick."
"I love the Hamptons."
"I love Ayn Rand."

Don:  My thought on evolution is in the same ballpark as you. If somebody wants to split the baby and go with the "evolution and faith in god are not necessarily exclusive," I will look the other way. I think its a pretty incredible argument to make but again, I will let it slide. However, if you reject carbon dating and think the world is 7000 years old, then I suggest you move to Turkey (or Kansas) where your fantasies will find an even more sympatheitc audience.  

Molly:  And take the Libertarians with you.